WHERE DO I REMEMBER YOU FROM?
by LanaaLuthor
Summary: lexana post finale / one shot/ Lana comes back to Metropolis to meet Lex, but he doesn't remember her... Can they find their way back to each other? Can he get his memories back?


_It came to me while watching my old video about their reunion - you'll find it in my profile_

* * *

I try my hardest to remember as I sit down over a glass of scotch, in my new Metropolis penthouse, but every time I keep failing miserably.

_Where do I know you from?_

You were at my comeback party.

It was soon after I came back to life.

And there you were. In the crowd. Shining. Raven beauty.

I looked at you and when you looked back I smiled. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen… you still are.

I started coming over to you, closer and closer with every step I was taking.

Our eyes still fixed on each other's, not able to let go.

Finally, I made those few final steps and found myself right by your side.

And then… just when I intended on opening my mouth and introducing myself to you I noticed the look on your face.

Like you knew me.

I knew the very second that I was doomed.

And then you said:

"Hello, Lex," with a faint, unsure smile.

Had I hurt you? Had I done something to you? Or maybe I had loved you? Taken care of you when you needed me? I wished and prayed with my whole being for the latter. You should only be loved, cherished, kissed… for the rest of your life.

My memories might be gone, but I felt like we had something deep, something special.

I could just hope I hadn't destroyed it, I hadn't missed our chance.

But wasn't it too late already…?

"I… I am…" I started, horrified that I was actually stammering in her presence. "I'm sorry… I don't remember you. I don't know who you are."

"Is this some kind of a stupid joke, Lex?" you asked, face crumbled. Now I could see that you were hurt and it ached me to watch that.

"No…" I denied quickly. "I just…"

"I thought you would remember your wife," you interrupted me.

I could see your eyes glassy, I could tell you were fighting back tears. Then you just turned your back on me and I knew that if I didn't do something you would walk away from me and leave me in the darkness forever. I wanted you, I wanted you with my whole being and I couldn't explain it when technically I didn't even know you. Maybe memories weren't the only factors that mattered. I knew I loved you. Maybe it was rooted deep inside of me and no one would ever be able to take that away.

"Wait…" My hand grasped your arm and whirled you around, your pained expression back to look at me. Your lips quivered. "Desiree? Helen?" I asked, but deep down inside I already knew. It couldn't be any of those two. It could be only one. My heart knew it and I thought you knew it too when you looked in my eyes. "Lana?" I asked, my voice suddenly strangely hushed. "I am so so sorry… I hired a private investigator to look over my life, but although I read my biography I didn't get the chance to see most of the pictures of the people close to me yet."

"Lex, what the hell are you talking about?"

And then when I explained I watched you crumble even more.

I told you I would do anything in my power to remember you and asked you to wait for that moment. There must be a reason why you came that night. You must feel something…

But you just walked away. Hurt. Without giving me any explanation.

Maybe I didn't even need one. Maybe I hurt you so badly that even if you'd told me what had happened, even if I'd apologized for that it wouldn't have made any difference, because I still _wouldn't have remembered it, remembered how it felt…_

I will do my best to remember. I won't rest till I'll find out...

* * *

I have it in my hand now.

My scientists finally managed to create a cure, but warned me it might not all come back. I had to focus on what I wanted to remember and then… it would be over. Second dose would probably make no difference.

I put the needle to my forearm and injected it.

And I finally know you…

_Lana Lang. Smallville town's beauty._

When I met you you were off limits. My best friend loved you and beside that you were so young. Too young for me. I would be in a lot of trouble if I pursued you.

Then we were running the Talon. I didn't make a parking garage out of it, because of you.

It was all for you… Always…

And you still couldn't see…

You were too infatuated with Clark, then with Jason, with Clark again…

Then I remember how Clark hurt you and you came to me for consolation.

I took my chance and finally, after months of closer and closer friendship I kissed you – and you finally kissed me back.

It took another few weeks to finally mark you truly as mine, to be with you, in you, to claim you…

Still, I felt like you were slipping away, like I was just a rebound guy for you.

I hated that feeling.

I hated the possibility of losing you.

I couldn't let that happen.

It would crash me forever.

I loved you too much.

I didn't know what would happen to me without you.

I didn't know what to do to keep you by my side.

I didn't know what to do to keep your love when I loved you so so much…

So, I did the unforgivable.

In a feeble attempt of not letting you go I faked your pregnancy to get you into marriage.

I don't even know what I thought I would achieve with that.

Maybe that you would like to "try again"? Have "another" child after "losing" the previous one?

Instead I only pushed you further away from me, into darkness.

And then you knew.

You knew and I was screwed.

You left me, ripping my heart out.

Then you shred it to pieces when you faked your own death.

And I never got you back.

Losing you was the final straw.

I plunged myself into darkness.

And never got back from there.

I died after I had my revenge on you and Clark.

And what that gave me?

Nothing.

_Nothing._

I open my eyes, find the nearest chair and collapse in it.

I love you so much… Is there anything I can do to get you back?

_I love you, Lana…_

* * *

Two months have passed by and still, my people haven't found you.

It's not surprising at all. You have superpowers now, you're running faster than possible for a human being.

Because every time I was close, so close that only a staircase was between us, the apartment you were presumably living in was cleaned out with no sign of anybody.

_So, _I give up. I've just lost my hope…

And just then… the door to my room opens and… there you are. In all your beauty and glory.

"Lana…" I stand up, looking at you and can't quite believe it.

"Lex…" you whisper, looking at me in total bewilderment and shock. "How?" You know. You know by the look on my face that it's all back. "I have no idea… I just came here to tell you to stop looking for me and…"

"It's not all back," I say, can't quite believe that of all the things I wanted to say to you that came out first. "I have all my memories of you, but when it comes to others… just partially, but I can live with that."

You don't move, can't speak, you're too overwhelmed.

"So…" you finally clear your throat so your voice wouldn't be so hoarse. "What was it that you wanted to tell me?"

"I'm sorry," I say and you're even more surprised by the honesty on my face. "I am… so… so… so… sorry… I know those words can't make up for what I've done to you… even if I keep repeating them thousands of times… I just… I know it will be too much to tell you that I've changed, that I can do my best to make it up to you… that I want to do just that to the rest of my life… so I just want your forgiveness… if that's even possible."

"You know why I came by to your party?" you suddenly ask.

"No, why?"

"Because when I heard you were alive… and then I heard that you weren't actually a clone, that the Darkseid brought your back to that body… after all I saw you die… I felt… I realized I missed you. I loved you and I think I still do. I just wanted to see where it would take me, where it could go. Of course… if you change."

""Change"? Not "changed?" I raise my eyebrows. Now I'm catching you words, so desperately looking for some hint, some clue.

"Yeah, I guess so…" you say. "And you have. You have changed, Lex."

"You never loved me…" I suddenly say.

"That's not true. I loved you so much that it scared me. Of course, when you hurt me I had to get away, I felt disgusted by you, I hated you… but then it all passed and love remained the same."

"But still… you never loved me enough…"

"That's not true either."

"I was a rebound guy from Clark Kent."

"No. I admit loving you both, but… with Clark it was never meant to be, Lex."

"Because of me…" I dare to say.

"No, not because of that. I came back to talk to Chloe since I couldn't come near him, but I watched him from distance. He's with Lois Lane and… they're so much in love. More than he and I ever were. Their love is right, mine and Clark's… there was too much issues, secrets… and in the end he still saw me as a high school Lana, the good pure girl… the truth is I wasn't pure and that is why you and I fitted so perfectly, Lex. You saw me for who I really was, not for who I was in somebody else's head and… it was scary, to expose myself like that, but… also liberating. I was free. I felt free with you. Like I didn't have to pretend being anyone else but me."

"So… what now?" I dare to ask again, my voice thick and unnatural from the wave of emotion and hope I'm starting to feel.

"I guess… only one thing to do…" you say and come over to him, grab my face and kiss me hard on the mouth.

It remind me of the first reciprocated kiss we shared in the past. I kissed you and you were shocked, but didn't push me away what I took for a pretty good sign, then you just grabbed my face and started kissing me hard.

Just like now.

"So… old sparks are still there," you say when we part.

"Stay. I'll do whatever you want me to do, just… stay…" I beg, feeling ashamed of that. Has I ever begged somebody? No, but nobody except her deserved that.

"Well… for starters… no more evil project…" you smile and kiss me again.

I am home.

_We are home._


End file.
